Let's get one thing straight. Over-functioning isn't cute.
But for so many of us we were sold the IDEA that being HELPFUL is honourable (which it is) but when it becomes the recurring role you're playing in relationships it can be so draining.
Not only is it draining for you, but it sets up a disempowering dynamic in a relationship. Because in order for an over-functioner to over-function, they need to be paired with an under-functioner. Someone who wants to be rescued, taken care of and coddled.
This isn't to throw shade on either side, but it is an unhealthy relational dynamic that has to shift if we want to preserve our vitality, sanity and the gifts of our innate generosity.
The gift of the over-functioner is generosity. No doubt about that.
But in over-functioning land, there is a shadow side.
When generosity is turned up too loud it can throw off the delicate balance of partnership and move the relationship into a parent/child or teacher/student dynamic....which is so not sexy.
Not only does the over-functioner/under-functioner dance dissolve intimacy, it also holds both people back from their true agency and potentiality.
If you've noticed this pattern this class is for you:
• You often take the role of leader, teacher or parent in your romantic and non-romantic relationships.
• Many people come to you to help solve their problems because they know you'll do the heavy lifting and uncomfortable work for them.
• You feel its your job to fix problems all on your own- even when you have others to help you.
• Often your partner feels more like your child than your equal.
• You "take care of everything" because it comes naturally to you AND because it helps you soothe your anxiety of things not getting done.
• You're known for your immense capacity to love, listen and understand.
• You're known for your innate generosity and willing to give.
• You regularly feel burnt out.
• You rarely take time for yourself to relax, and when you do, you find it hard to sit still for too long.
• You have a difficult time receiving.
• You feel overly responsible and often take more responsibility than is actually yours to handle.
• You tend to partner up with people who are easy going, chill and you guessed it... under-function once things get comfy.
• Your partners have a history of being taken care of, rescued or taking more than they give (this can also show up in your relationship with them).
If ANY of those ring true for you, this class is made for YOU!
In this self-study drop in class we'll explore the following:
• The roots of the under-functioning, over-functioning dance.
• Why over-functioning is an intimacy blocker and how to create more internal and external safety around emotional intimacy.
• The related negative impacts of this pattern on your life, your vitality, your presence and your purpose.
• The secondary gains we unconsciously hold when it comes to this recurring pattern.
• The underlying wounding patterns at play with an over-functioning relational template.
• The unconscious commitments we have operating inside the desire to be OVERLY helpful, generous or take care of things for others.
• The early signs of an OF/UF relational dynamic and how to nip those patterns early.
• The pathway through shifting this power dynamic if in a long-term relationship and move it towards more optimal functioning.
• What to be prepared for when you begin to set healthier boundaries with the under-functioner.
• What to be prepared to experience when you begin to set healthier boundaries AS the over-functioner.
Your Class Includes:
• 3hrs of content in audio and video form.
• Worksheets and notes
• 2hr recording of the LIVE group coaching segment
• Open comment section to ask your questions related to the content. Kelsey moderates this weekly to answer questions for all members of the self-study course.