When we search for a relationship fantasy to save us, it means there’s a relationship reality we can’t sit with and are running from or are disassociated from.
There is a part of our story we have not claimed and owned. A part of ourselves in our past we’re trying to create separation from. We have abandoned a part of who we are. We have repressed the painful parts into the deep, cellular bowels of our being.
When we chase fantasy, we want one thing: AVOID REALITY.
This is revealed countless times when we choose someone WHO IS NOT GOOD FOR US.
This means: WE HAVE A WAR AGAINST OUR OWN REALITY.
We can’t be with reality and would rather live in dysfunctional delusion than be presented with our very own confronting reality.
The confronting reality is coming face-to-face with our unworthiness. It’s coming face-to-face with our shame. It’s coming face-to-face with a part of ourselves we...
I remember dating this girl one time who tried to tell me a relationship should never have disagreements, conflict or arguments.
I was like, “I actually believe that is what defines great relationships. How you work through conflict. How you both process your anger, individually, and together.”
As you can imagine, things ended soon after that conversation. As I am someone who has not only met his monster, but overindulged in his monster on far too many occasions.
She was the sweetest, kindest woman but she had not met her monster. She was not willing to meet her monster. She was not willing to work with her monster. In fact, she didn’t even believe she had a monster.
But, WE ALL HAVE A MONSTER. Some of us are just more acquainted with it than others.
So you might be wondering…
OUR MONSTER = OUR ANGER
OUR MONSTER = THE DARK CORNERS OF WHO WE ARE
Our monster is the explosive, reactive part of us....