When we search for a relationship fantasy to save us, it means there’s a relationship reality we can’t sit with and are running from or are disassociated from.
There is a part of our story we have not claimed and owned. A part of ourselves in our past we’re trying to create separation from. We have abandoned a part of who we are. We have repressed the painful parts into the deep, cellular bowels of our being.
When we chase fantasy, we want one thing: AVOID REALITY.
This is revealed countless times when we choose someone WHO IS NOT GOOD FOR US.
This means: WE HAVE A WAR AGAINST OUR OWN REALITY.
We can’t be with reality and would rather live in dysfunctional delusion than be presented with our very own confronting reality.
The confronting reality is coming face-to-face with our unworthiness. It’s coming face-to-face with our shame. It’s coming face-to-face with a part of ourselves we...
I’ll admit something...
I’m usually the last one to move on after a breakup. At least relationships where I’d actually fallen for the person. I rarely fall but when I fall, I fall fast, I fall hard, and it’s hard for me to get back up after I fall.
For this reason...
I’m usually the one still reeling after the breakup, tending to my wounds and processing the breakup while I watch my ex update her profile picture with someone new.
"I’ve been in love four times in my life. I’ve also been heartbroken four times as well. Go figure, right?"
I’m good at not giving a shit. I can not give a shit with the best of them. But every time I’ve ever given a shit in a relationship, I’ve eaten shit. Metaphorically of course.
Interestingly, there is a pattern that has presented itself.
The first girl I was in love with broke it off with me because she met a guy who made it clear to her that her and I were not the right fit together.
The most common thing people associate with happiness in their love lives: finding a soulmate.
Everyone wants to find a soulmate — their ‘one true love’.
"Truth be told: there are billions of people in this world. That means by sheer population numbers, there are potentially thousands of people who we could meet in our lifetime, fall in love with and label as our "soulmate"."
For true believers in soulmates, that’s not something they want to hear. Particularly for those who feel they’ve found their soulmate: they don’t want to believe that there could ever be someone else out there.
I’ve always thought soulmates in love are what religion is in life. It’s a system in place to instill more control and purpose to our lives. Without it, we feel out of control, with no real sense of purpose.
Just like under religion’s terms: the purpose of life is to live in a such a way that when we die we get to go to heaven.