This is a common thing we hear from one partner in a relationship…
MY PARTNER HAS A LOT OF WORK TO DO.
THEY’RE NOT READY. I’M READY. BUT THEY’RE NOT. THEY STILL HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO.
THEY NEED TO FIGURE THEIR SHIT OUT.
THEY NEED TO WORK ON THEMSELVES.
MY PARTNER NEEDS TO LEARN HOW TO COMMUNICATE.
THE ONUS IS ON MY PARTNER TO WORK ON THEMSELVES.
I MIGHT HAVE WORK TO DO, BUT MY PARTNER HAS MORE WORK, OR HAS DEEPER WORK TO DO.
It’s this self-inflation from one partner, pinning the sole weight of responsibility onto their partner’s shoulders as to why they’re having issues in the relationship, or drowning in a sea of relational dysfunction.
This is PARTICULARLY common when one partner is in the personal growth space and the other is not.
The partner in the personal growth space sees that if their partner just started doing the work they’re doing, all their relational quarrels would finally be resolved and they could have the...
When we search for a relationship fantasy to save us, it means there’s a relationship reality we can’t sit with and are running from or are disassociated from.
There is a part of our story we have not claimed and owned. A part of ourselves in our past we’re trying to create separation from. We have abandoned a part of who we are. We have repressed the painful parts into the deep, cellular bowels of our being.
When we chase fantasy, we want one thing: AVOID REALITY.
This is revealed countless times when we choose someone WHO IS NOT GOOD FOR US.
This means: WE HAVE A WAR AGAINST OUR OWN REALITY.
We can’t be with reality and would rather live in dysfunctional delusion than be presented with our very own confronting reality.
The confronting reality is coming face-to-face with our unworthiness. It’s coming face-to-face with our shame. It’s coming face-to-face with a part of ourselves we...