This is a common thing we hear from one partner in a relationship…

MY PARTNER HAS A LOT OF WORK TO DO.

THEY’RE NOT READY. I’M READY. BUT THEY’RE NOT. THEY STILL HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO.

THEY NEED TO FIGURE THEIR SHIT OUT.

THEY NEED TO WORK ON THEMSELVES.

MY PARTNER NEEDS TO LEARN HOW TO COMMUNICATE.

THE ONUS IS ON MY PARTNER TO WORK ON THEMSELVES.

I MIGHT HAVE WORK TO DO, BUT MY PARTNER HAS MORE WORK, OR HAS DEEPER WORK TO DO.

It’s this self-inflation from one partner, pinning the sole weight of responsibility onto their partner’s shoulders as to why they’re having issues in the relationship, or drowning in a sea of relational dysfunction.

This is PARTICULARLY common when one partner is in the personal growth space and the other is not.

The partner in the personal growth space sees that if their partner just started doing the work they’re doing, all their relational quarrels would finally be resolved and they could have the...

Lovers, we need to give our partners permission to be an asshole sometimes.

Now before you throw a hissy fit, it’s important we differentiate between being a bona-fide asshole versus occasionally displaying asshole behaviour.

There is an asshole person. Just general dicks. Their dickishness is very much permanent.

Being a bona-fide asshole means your heart is shaped like a dick. Or it’s shaped like a butthole, either or. Meaning being an asshole is just WHO YOU ARE.

Then there is asshole behaviour. This is human reality. Dicks on occasion. Your humanness gets the best of you sometimes. You’re a good person who sometimes does not act so good.

We all have bad days. You say the wrong thing. You do the wrong thing. You don’t show up in the way you’re capable of. You act out of integrity. You say something hurtful to someone you care about. You get triggered, you break down, you act on impulse, you overreact.

Even Mother Theresa was probably an asshole...